Tom Cruise New Movie Teaser Is Actually Just Two Hours of Extreme Eye Contact

Listen, we all know Tom Cruise is the only man left in Hollywood who actually does work, but his new teaser for 'Digger' is taking 'self-love' to a level we haven't seen since the couch-jumping incident of 2005. Instead of showing us a plot, or a script, or even a single supporting actor, the trailer is just a frantic slideshow of Tom looking intense while sweat drips off his nose in slow motion. Fans are absolutely losing it because the 'Digger' teaser appears to be a greatest hits album masquerading as a new film. One minute he’s hanging off a plane, the next he’s riding a motorcycle off a cliff, and then—bam—it’s just a thirty-second close-up of his molars. It’s giving 'Main Character Energy' if the main character forgot other people exist on Earth. Is he playing a construction worker? A diamond thief? An archeologist with a penchant for high-speed parkour? Nobody knows! We’re just here for the nostalgia trip and the vague hope that he eventually blinks. If this movie is just Tom watching his own IMDB page for two hours, honestly, he’s earned it.