Unheard Producer Begs Web-Slinging Couple to Stop Being So Dang Adorable

In a move that surprised absolutely no one with a pulse, Spider-Man producer Amy Pascal has finally admitted that her romantic advice has the same impact as a screen door on a submarine. Apparently, she sat Tom Holland and Zendaya down years ago and gave them the 'big talk,' essentially pleading with them to keep their spandex professional and their hearts out of it. Spoiler alert: they ignored her. Hard. While Amy was busy worrying about chemistry tests, Tom was busy realizing that Zendaya is literally a goddess walking among mortals. Now, Amy is out here acting like the disgruntled auntie at Thanksgiving who told you not to get that tattoo, only for you to come home with a full sleeve of glorious regrets. Pascal joked that 'nobody ever listens' to her, which is relatable for anyone who has ever tried to tell a golden retriever not to jump on a guest. At this point, the couple is so far gone into the 'holding hands on red carpets' phase that Amy might as well start planning the baby shower theme if she wants to feel included in the decision-making process. At the end of the day, if a producer tells you to avoid the most charming person in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you do exactly what Tom did—buy a ring and practice your 'proud boyfriend' face for the paparazzi. Sorry, Amy, but love wins, and your casting couch wisdom is currently gathering dust in the prop department.