Valerie Bertinelli Takes Son to Paris to Prove She Understands Carbs Better Than Anyone

Valerie Bertinelli is finally doing what any self-respecting icon would do: taking her son, Wolfgang Van Halen, to the land of baguettes just to flex her culinary dominance. This trip to Paris isn't just a vacation, it’s a high-stakes masterclass in how to stare at a croissant with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. Poor Wolfie probably thought this was a sentimental family bonding moment, but insiders say Valerie spent most of the flight explaining the subtle structural differences between a crepe and a galette. At the Eiffel Tower, while everyone else was looking at the view, Valerie was reportedly scouted checking the structural integrity of the nearby pastry shops like a carb-obsessed secret agent. Now the rare family selfie is out, and it’s clear she’s the one running the show. While the rest of the family looks like they’re enjoying a nice holiday, Valerie has that gleam in her eye that says, 'I have seasoned pans older than your touring career, son.' If they don't return with at least forty pounds of contraband butter hidden in their carry-ons, did the trip even happen?