Vivienne Drops Pitt From Name to Avoid Confusing Vowels with Brad

Angelina’s Mini-Me has officially entered her ‘Solo Artist’ era by filing paperwork to lob off the ‘Pitt’ part of her surname like a piece of burnt crust. Vivienne Jolie-Pitt is now just Vivienne Jolie, proving that in the battle of the A-list DNA, the extra four letters were just taking up valuable real estate on her driver’s license. Rumor has it Brad is taking the news about as well as a guy who just found out his favorite sculpture is actually a coat rack. It’s a tough day for the Pitt hive when your own offspring decides your name is a fashion choice that’s so last season. Sources (our imaginary friends) say Vivienne just wanted a name that didn't sound like a hole in the ground or a peach core. Now that she’s simplified her brand, Vivienne is free to move through the world without people asking if she can get them an autograph from a guy who owns a French vineyard. Angelina is reportedly ‘totally chill’ about the whole thing, mostly because it means her name finally gets the top billing she’s been manifesting since the early 2000s. We’re expecting the rest of the siblings to follow suit until the family tree looks more like a curated Pinterest board of French adjectives. Good luck, Brad! Maybe you can rebrand as ‘Brad Just-Brad’ and start a support group for Hollywood dads who have been edited out of the credits.