Zoë Kravitz Achieves Perfection With Seven Dollar Sludge Found In Literal Amazon Dumpster

Global superstar Zoë Kravitz has finally revealed her secret to looking like a flawless marble statue, and it turns out the secret is actually just seven dollars and a Prime subscription. While we were all busy Mortgaging our kidneys to afford luxury snail slime, Zoë was busy stocking her vanity with the same budget-friendly L'Oréal tubes found in the clearance bin of a haunted pharmacy. Sources say the actress enjoys the thrill of the hunt, specifically the high-speed chase of a delivery drone dropping a bubble-wrapped lipstick onto her lawn. It is a bold move for a woman who usually breathes air that costs more than a mid-sized sedan. Apparently, the more digits after the decimal point, the less likely she is to wear it. Now, the rest of the A-list is reportedly panicking. Eva Longoria was recently spotted frantically refreshing her shopping cart to ensure her lashes didn't cost more than a sandwich. Does this mean the era of the gold-flecked moisturizer is over? Probably not, but for seven bucks, we can all pretend we’re attending a premiere instead of eating noodles in the dark.