Zoey Deutch Invents ‘Vacationmaxxing’ to Legally Count Blinking as a Two-Week Siesta

The star claims that staring at a screensaver of a palm tree for three seconds provides the equivalent rest of a cruise.

Zoey Deutch is officially doing the most by doing the least. While we’re all struggling to find five minutes to eat a soggy sandwich, Zoey has pioneered ‘vacationmaxxing,’ a revolutionary new lifestyle choice where she treats a walk to the mailbox like a ten-day trek through the Amalfi Coast. She isn’t just busy; she’s ‘aggressively relaxing’ between takes for three different movies. Her hack? It’s all about the mindset. Apparently, if you put a cocktail umbrella in your morning coffee and wear polarized sunglasses inside a dimly lit soundstage, your brain officially enters a state of tropical bliss. Sources say she stayed underwater in her bathtub for forty-five seconds and emerged claiming she had successfully completed a luxury scuba expedition in the Maldives. We love a delusional queen who saves on airfare. But the grind doesn't stop. Between filming movies about monsters and voicemails, Zoey is reportedly teaching a masterclass on how to turn a sneeze into a spa day. If you see her napping on a pile of scripts, don't wake her up—she’s currently halfway through a virtual paragliding tour of Tuscany. It’s not a mid-day slump, it’s a lifestyle, and frankly, my boss needs to start respecting my right to vacationmaxx during every Zoom call.