Zoey Deutch Reveals Jennifer Aniston is Actually a Glitch in the Matrix

Zoey Deutch just dropped the bomb on what it’s actually like to stand three feet away from Jennifer Aniston. Apparently, it’s not just 'acting'—it’s a full-blown existential crisis. Zoey called the experience 'surreal,' which is Hollywood PR speak for 'I think this woman might be a holographic projection generated by a 1990s Diet Coke commercial.' While filming their new comedy, Zoey reportedly spent most of her time trying to figure out if Jennifer actually breathes oxygen or if she just inhales pure SmartWater vapor. It’s a tough gig. Imagine trying to remember your lines while standing next to a woman who hasn't aged a single day since the Ross-and-Rachel break-up. It's basically like co-starring with a high-definition filter that lives in the real world. Insiders whisper that Zoey had to wear special protective goggles just to look directly at Jen’s highlights, which have their own SAG-AFTRA membership and a personal assistant. Zoey handled it like a pro, but honestly, we’re surprised she didn’t just melt into a puddle of envy right there on the soundstage. Jennifer just has that effect on mortals. Now that the secret is out, we’re waiting for the scientific community to study how Jennifer Aniston manages to keep the space-time continuum from wrinkling her forehead. Zoey is just the latest victim of the Aniston Aura, and frankly, we hope she has a therapist to help her process living in a world where some people simply refuse to experience the linear passage of time.